Why Unwritten Workplace Rules Hurt Culture—How HR &EAP Support Can Fix It

Is it acceptable to leave the office at 5 PM when the policy says you can, even though everyone else stays until 6:30? Should you speak up in meetings when leadership says they want open dialogue? Can you actually use that flexible work arrangement mentioned in your benefits package?

For many employees, the answers to these questions have nothing to do with what's written in the employee handbook and everything to do with the unwritten rules that truly govern workplace behavior.

According to a 2024 Workhuman study, 60% of employees report that navigating company culture can be challenging due to the prevalence of unwritten rules. These invisible norms create confusion, erode trust, and leave employees guessing about what's really expected of them. 

For HR leaders, addressing unwritten workplace rules requires building a culture where transparency at work drives employee well-being and organizational success.

What Are Unwritten Workplace Rules and Why Do They Exist?

Unwritten workplace rules are the unstated cultural and emotional norms that dictate what's actually acceptable in an organization. They are often seen as "picking up where the employee handbook leaves off." While formal policies outline what should happen, unwritten rules reveal what actually happens.

These hidden expectations emerge from multiple sources. Organizational culture shapes them through repeated behaviors that leadership reinforces, intentionally or not. Management preferences create them when a boss's habits become the team's unspoken standard. And they persist because they become so enmeshed in company culture that leaders stop thinking about them.

The problem isn't that unwritten rules exist; it's that when they contradict stated policies or remain invisible to some employees, they create inequity and confusion.

common examples of unwritten rules that create stress

Research from workplace experts and HR professionals reveals patterns of unwritten rules that consistently cause employee stress:

• Policy versus practice gaps—Telework is promoted as workplace flexibility, but employees who actually work remotely are viewed unfavorably. Casual Fridays are officially allowed, yet everyone still dresses in business attire. Promotions are supposedly based on merit, but relationships and politics clearly play a major role in who gets selected.
• "Always on" expectations—Email responsiveness becomes an unspoken requirement. Late-night messages signal dedication. Taking vacation time is technically encouraged, but employees who actually use their time off are perceived as less committed. According to research cited in Harvard Business Review, these norms become destructive when they aren't regularly revisited.
• Meeting and communication dynamics— Leadership says they want open dialogue, yet challenging a manager's ideas is met with immediate pushback. Everyone is encouraged to speak up, but in practice, top leadership dominates the conversation and doesn't seek or value feedback from others.
• Work hours and flexibility—The stated policy says flexible schedules are welcome, but colleagues arrive by 8 AM and never leave before 6:30 PM. No one leaves the office until the boss does, even when there's no explicit rule about it.

These examples share a common thread: what's written in policy differs dramatically from what's actually practiced and rewarded. This disconnect leaves employees navigating by trial and error, often discovering the real rules only after they've unknowingly violated them.

How Unspoken Expectations Impact Employee Well-being and Performance

The consequences of unwritten workplace rules extend far beyond individual confusion. These hidden norms create systemic problems that undermine organizational health. When some employees understand the unwritten rules and others don't, it creates an "in group" and an "out group". This inequity damages trust and makes employees question whether their organization's stated values reflect reality.

The impact on employee well-being is measurable and significant.

• When employees cannot bring their authentic selves to work or must constantly guess at unstated expectations, creativity suffers. 
• When behaviors are different than what's written in policies, employees start to distrust the organization's mission and core values. This disconnect breeds mediocrity, fear, and groupthink rather than innovation.
• When employees don't have clarity around how to contribute to a team's success, they become disconnected. 

For organizations, the cost shows up in employee engagement scores, turnover rates, and lost productivity. Employees who feel misled by the gap between policy and practice are far more likely to leave. Those who stay may withdraw their discretionary effort, doing only what's explicitly required rather than contributing innovative ideas or going above and beyond. The workplace becomes transactional rather than collaborative.

The Role of HR in Eliminating Unhealthy Workplace Norms

HR leaders must act as architects of transparent workplace culture. This requires moving beyond creating policies to ensuring those policies reflect actual practice. When unwritten rules contradict stated values, HR needs to surface these discrepancies, address them systematically, and create environments where expectations are clear and consistently applied.

The first step is recognizing that unwritten rules aren't inherently problematic. Some unspoken norms, like greeting colleagues in the morning or helping a teammate who's overwhelmed, support positive culture. The issue arises when unhealthy unwritten rules take hold or when the gap between stated and actual expectations becomes wide enough to cause confusion and inequity.

HR strategies for creating psychological safety at work

Creating psychological safety requires deliberate action to make the implicit explicit. 

• Workplace experts recommend that organizations document their unwritten rules using "it's okay to..." lists. These frameworks help teams articulate unspoken expectations around digital communication norms, emotional support, psychological safety, and work styles. When teams know it's okay to turn off video on certain calls, or it's okay to take a walk in the middle of the day, anxiety decreases.
• HR should conduct regular culture audits to identify gaps between policy and practice. These audits must be honest assessments, not exercises in confirming what leadership wants to believe.
• Management training is essential for helping managers recognize and address unwritten rules. Training should equip managers to articulate expectations clearly, model desired behaviors, and ensure their team understands both formal policies and informal norms.
• Leadership must model desired behaviors consistently. When executives actually use their vacation time, leave at reasonable hours, and demonstrate work-life balance, they signal that these behaviors are genuinely valued. When they don't, employees learn that the real rule, regardless of what policy says, is different.

breaking down barriers: encouraging open dialogues and fairness

Organizations should establish clear communication guidelines grounded in empathy and accessibility. Simple reminders like "clearly state why you've reached out to a coworker" can eliminate the anxiety caused by ambiguous messages. 

Regular one-on-one check-ins create space for managers to surface and address unwritten rules. These conversations allow managers to hear about confusion around expectations and clarify what's actually valued. They also provide opportunities to identify when an employee has been disadvantaged by not understanding an unspoken norm.

HR must create safe feedback channels where employees can report when stated policies don't match reality. Anonymous surveys, third-party reporting systems, and regular pulse checks help surface the discrepancies that leadership might not see. Most importantly, HR must act on this feedback. 

Involving employees in norm-setting shifts unwritten rules from invisible to explicit. When teams collaborate to define their communication preferences, meeting protocols, and work styles, everyone understands the real expectations. This participatory approach ensures that norms serve the team's needs rather than simply reflecting a manager's unstated preferences.

How EAPs Support Employees Struggling with Hidden Expectations

While HR works to eliminate unhealthy unwritten rules at the organizational level, Employee Assistance Programs provide critical support for employees navigating the confusion these norms create. EAPs serve as a confidential resource when workplace culture issues affect employee mental health, performance, and well-being.

3 Ways Employee Assistance Programs Improve communication and clarity

EAPs provide confidential counseling that helps employees process work-related stress and anxiety stemming from unclear workplace dynamics. Effective EAPs address unwritten rules through multiple services:

1. Individual coaching

Coaching for navigating unclear workplace dynamics, including developing observation and communication skills to identify and clarify unspoken expectations

2. Management Consultation

Consultation that surfaces patterns in employee concerns, allowing HR to identify systemic policy-practice gaps without violating confidentiality

3. crisis intervention

When cultural issues create acute mental health impacts, such as when employees face retaliation for using stated policies

Ulliance EAp services: Helping Employees navigate confusing expectations

Ulliance offers comprehensive EAP support including confidential counseling and management consultation services. 

Through management consultation, Ulliance's experienced Account Directors can work with leadership to understand patterns in employee concerns related to workplace culture and communication challenges. 

These services complement HR's efforts to identify and address gaps between stated policies and actual workplace practices.

Building a Healthier Workplace Culture Through Transparency at Work

Addressing unwritten workplace rules requires commitment at every level. The most effective approach combines HR-led structural changes with EAP support for individuals navigating those changes. HR must make the implicit explicit through documentation, manager training, and regular culture audits. Leadership must model desired behaviors and hold managers accountable when informal practices contradict formal policies.

The goal isn't to eliminate all unwritten rules; that's neither possible nor desirable. The goal is to ensure that unwritten norms support rather than undermine stated values, creating workplaces where employees don't have to guess at real expectations and where policy and practice align. Organizations that successfully address unwritten workplace rules build the transparency that enables people to do their best work.

When you partner with Ulliance, our Life Advisor Consultants are always just a phone call away to teach ways to enhance your work/life balance and increase your happiness. The Ulliance Life Advisor Employee Assistance Program can help employees and employers come closer to a state of total well-being.

Investing in the right EAP or Wellness Program to support your employees will help them and help you.  Visit https://ulliance.com/ or call 866-648-8326.

The Ulliance Employee Assistance Program can address the
following issues:
• Stress about work or job performance
• Crisis in the workplace
• Conflict resolution at work or in one’s personal life
• Marital or relationship problems
• Child or elder care concerns
• Financial worries
• Mental health problems
• Alcohol/substance abuse
• Grief
• Interpersonal conflicts
• AND MORE!

References:

Employees Say 'Unwritten Workplace Rules' Cause Miscommunication And Disconnection, Analysis Finds; Forbes; Bryan Robinson, Ph.D. https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2024/03/22/employees-say-unwritten-workplace-rules-cause-miscommunication-and-disconnection-analysis-finds/

Navigating the Unwritten Rules in the Workplace: A Key for Career Success; Florida International University 
https://washingtondc.fiu.edu/unwritten-rules.pdf

The 6 Unwritten Company Rules You Won't Find in the Employee Handbook; The Muse; Lea McLeod https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-6-unwritten-company-rules-you-wont-find-in-the-employee-handbook

Write Down Your Team's Unwritten Rules; Harvard Business Review; Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy 
https://hbr.org/2020/10/write-down-your-teams-unwritten-rules