Supporting Employees Through Grief: How EAP Programs Help in the Workplace

Grief doesn't wait for a convenient time. It shows up at work in the middle of a team meeting, during a routine email check, or in the quiet moments between tasks. For HR professionals and company leaders, supporting employees through grief requires understanding how loss reshapes a person's ability to focus, engage, and perform.

Yet many workplaces still operate under outdated assumptions about how grief works. The belief that people move through predictable stages in a tidy progression has shaped bereavement policies for decades. Contemporary research tells a different story. Grief is messy, non-linear, and deeply individual.

Understanding Grief in the Workplace

What grief looks like at work

Grief manifests differently for each person, but certain patterns emerge in workplace settings. 

• An employee who recently lost a parent might struggle with concentration during tasks that once felt automatic. 
• Someone processing a divorce may withdraw from team interactions or miss deadlines they'd typically meet with ease. 
• Another employee dealing with the death of a close friend might appear engaged one day and visibly distraught the next.

These are all normal responses to significant loss, not signs of poor performance or lack of commitment. 

Common misconceptions about grieving employees

There are many misconceptions about grief in the workplace:

• Grief follows a predictable path. Many people expect grieving employees to move from shock to sadness to eventual acceptance in a clear sequence. The truth is more complicated. Grief ebbs and flows, with employees experiencing intense waves of emotion that can be triggered by seemingly minor events weeks or months after a loss.
• Grief only follows death. Employees grieve job loss, the end of relationships, serious illness diagnoses, miscarriages, and countless other losses that disrupt their sense of stability. Each of these experiences can carry the same emotional weight as bereavement, yet they often receive less recognition or support.
• Employees are ready to resume normal performance after bereavement leave. Many managers assume that once an employee returns from leave, they should be back to their usual productivity levels. In reality, an employee might function well for weeks, then experience intense emotional reactions triggered unexpectedly.

Impact on performance and team dynamics

The effects of grief ripple through workplace performance in unexpected ways. Employees may struggle with memory, have difficulty making decisions, or find themselves rereading the same email multiple times. Tasks that once took thirty minutes might now take two hours. Physical symptoms like sleep disruption and weakened immune function can lead to increased sick days or visible fatigue.

Team dynamics can also shift when someone is grieving. Other employees may not know what to say, leading to awkward silences that deepen the grieving person's sense of isolation. A grieving employee's emotional volatility can create tension, whether that manifests as snapping at colleagues, tearing up during routine conversations, or seeming distant and disconnected.

The 5 Stages of Grieving and Their Workplace Impact 

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published research identifying five emotional responses she observed in terminally ill patients. Her work brought unprecedented attention to how people process impending death. Over time, these observations were adapted into a model for understanding grief after loss.

1. denial and shock: Initial Reactions at work

Denial serves as a protective mechanism when someone first learns of a loss. At work, this might look like an employee continuing their routine as if nothing happened or showing little outward emotion. 

They might seem surprisingly composed in the days immediately following a death, leading colleagues to assume they're handling things well. This numbness isn't avoidance. It's the mind's way of absorbing overwhelming news gradually.

2. anger and frustration: Managing emotional outbursts

As reality sets in, anger often surfaces. A grieving employee might snap at coworkers, express frustration over minor inconveniences, or direct blame toward doctors, family members, or even the person who died. This anger can feel uncomfortable for everyone involved, but it's a natural response to loss and the feeling of powerlessness that accompanies it.

3. depression and withdrawal: recognizing signs early

WebMD explains that the depression stage involves recognizing the full extent of the loss, often accompanied by sadness, fatigue, changes in appetite, and social withdrawal. At work, employees in this phase might isolate themselves from team interactions, struggle with motivation, or show little interest in projects they once cared about deeply. This isn't clinical depression, though grief can trigger it. It's the natural process of confronting the permanence of loss.

4. Acceptance and adjustment: supporting long-term healing

Acceptance doesn't mean being okay with the loss. It means acknowledging the new reality and learning to function within it. An employee who has reached acceptance can talk about their loved one without falling apart and engage meaningfully with work again. This stage can take months or years, and even then, difficult moments will still arise.

5. how grief actually unfolds

Despite the widespread familiarity of these stages, contemporary bereavement research presents a more nuanced picture. Kübler-Ross herself clarified that people don't move through these stages in order, and many experience several simultaneously or skip stages entirely. 

Rather than stages, researchers now describe grief as an adaptive process involving multiple dimensions: emotional, cognitive, physical, and social. The Dual Process Model, developed by grief researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, suggests that people oscillate between confronting their loss and engaging with the demands of daily life. Sometimes an employee needs to process their pain. Other times, they need distraction through work tasks and social connection. Both are necessary for healthy adjustment.

This oscillation explains why a grieving employee might dive intensely into a project one week and struggle to answer emails the next. They're moving naturally between loss-oriented coping and restoration-oriented coping. Understanding this helps managers provide appropriate support without pushing employees to "move forward" before they're ready.

3 Reasons Why HR Needs a Grief Support Strategy

1. Legal and ethical considerations

While federal law doesn't mandate bereavement leave, some states have specific requirements that HR professionals need to understand. 

Organizations also need to consider how grief intersects with the Americans with Disabilities Act, particularly when grief triggers or exacerbates mental health conditions. The Family and Medical Leave Act may apply in situations involving care for seriously ill family members.

Beyond legal compliance, there's an ethical imperative. Organizations that support employees through difficult times build loyalty and trust, directly impacting employee retention, engagement, and overall workplace morale.

2. Creating a compassionate workplace culture

Most organizations handle grief reactively, with HR scrambling to figure out policies and managers doing their best with little guidance. This approach leaves everyone uncertain and often results in inadequate support.

A proactive approach starts with clear policies that reflect how grief actually works. Bereavement leave policies should account for different types of relationships and losses, not just immediate family deaths. 

People often experience grief in waves rather than linear progression, with emotions surfacing at unexpected times even months or years after a loss. A three-day bereavement leave policy assumes grief peaks immediately and diminishes quickly. The reality requires more flexibility and longer-term support structures.

Progressive bereavement policies recognize diverse family structures and relationships. They provide leave for the death of domestic partners, close friends who served as family, or beloved pets. They account for miscarriage, stillbirth, and other reproductive losses that carry profound grief but often go unacknowledged in workplace settings.

3. Integrating EAP programs into HR policies

Integration with EAP services should be explicit in grief-related policies. Employees should know that counseling is available, how to access it, and that using these services won't affect their employment. 

Some organizations include EAP information directly in bereavement leave notifications. Others train managers to discuss these resources as part of return-to-work conversations.

How EAP Programs Help Employees Navigate Grief

Confidential Counseling and Emotional Support

Employee Assistance Programs provide a crucial safety net for grieving employees. Unlike informal support from managers or coworkers, EAP services offer professional counseling from trained specialists who understand the complexities of bereavement. These services are confidential, removing concerns about judgment or professional consequences.

EAP grief counseling goes beyond immediate crisis intervention. It helps employees develop coping strategies, process complicated emotions, and identify when their grief might be turning into something that requires more intensive treatment.

resources for coping and resilience

Several EAP programs provide practical resources that grieving employees need but might not think to request. This can include information about estate planning, financial counseling for sudden income changes, or referrals to support groups where employees can connect with others who've experienced similar losses. 

Some programs offer family counseling to help employees support children or other family members who are also grieving.

support for managers and teams

The most effective EAP programs don't just serve employees directly. They also provide consultation services for managers who aren't sure how to support a grieving team member. A manager can call the EAP confidentially to ask questions about what's normal, what accommodations make sense, or how to handle delicate conversations. This guidance helps managers feel more confident and reduces the likelihood of well-intentioned but unhelpful responses.

Practical Tips for Managers Supporting Grieving Employees

Managers often feel paralyzed when an employee is grieving. They worry about saying the wrong thing, overstepping boundaries, or appearing insensitive. Clear guidance helps managers navigate these situations with both empathy and practicality.

Communicate with empathy and clarity

Reach out to the employee privately and offer sincere condolences. You don't need elaborate words. A simple "I was sorry to hear about your loss" shows that you recognize what happened and care about their wellbeing. Avoiding the topic doesn't spare anyone discomfort. It signals that grief isn't welcome at work.

Discuss bereavement leave, workload adjustments, and return-to-work plans in straightforward terms. Let the employee know what resources are available, including EAP services. Brief, genuine check-ins show ongoing support without making grief the only thing you discuss.

offer flexibility and reasonable accomMoDATIONS

Some employees want to return to work quickly because routine provides comfort and distraction. Others need extended time away. Ask what would be most helpful rather than assuming you know. Be prepared to revisit these arrangements as the employee's needs change.

Set realistic expectations for what the employee can handle in the weeks and months after a loss. Be patient with inconsistency. An employee might have a strong week followed by several difficult days. 

The Harvard Business Review emphasizes that managers need to accept emotional difficulties as part of the natural grieving process rather than trying to rush employees through it. An employee who feels supported during grief is far more likely to return to full productivity than one who feels pressured to perform before they're ready.

Encourage use of EAP resources

SHRM research shows that organizations with comprehensive grief support structures see better outcomes in both employee wellbeing and business performance. Employees who feel supported during difficult times return to full productivity more quickly and are significantly more likely to stay with their employer long-term.

Mention EAP services and other support options but let the employee decide whether to use them. Frame EAP services as a normal, valuable resource rather than something only for people in crisis. Explain that many employees find it helpful to talk with a counselor who specializes in grief and that these conversations are completely confidential.

When you partner with Ulliance, our Life Advisor Consultants are always just a phone call away to teach ways to enhance your work/life balance and increase your happiness. The Ulliance Life Advisor Employee Assistance Program can help employees and employers come closer to a state of total well-being.

Investing in the right EAP or Wellness Program to support your employees will help them and help you.  Visit https://ulliance.com/ or call 866-648-8326.

The Ulliance Employee Assistance Program can address the
following issues:
• Stress about work or job performance
• Crisis in the workplace
• Conflict resolution at work or in one’s personal life
• Marital or relationship problems
• Child or elder care concerns
• Financial worries
• Mental health problems
• Alcohol/substance abuse
• Grief
• Interpersonal conflicts
• AND MORE!

References:

Cautioning Health-Care Professionals: Bereaved Persons Are Misguided Through the Stages of Grief; NCBI; Margaret Stroebe, Henk Schut, and Kathrin Boerner https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5375020/

Coping with Grief; SHRM; Joanne Sammer https://www.shrm.org/topics-tools/news/hr-magazine/coping-grief

Grieving and Stages of Grief; WebMD https://www.webmd.com/balance/grieving-and-stages-of-grief

When a Colleague Is Grieving; Harvard Business Review; Rich Fernandez and Susan David 
https://hbr.org/2019/07/when-a-colleague-is-grieving